Corporate FOMO

I’m going to try to write more in here. To what end? I don’t know. But it seemed like a good 2017 goal- either I update this thing, or I delete it and move on.

So.

For the first time recently, I started to see the value in a life coach. My plans have been in such flux for a while now as I wrestled with the challenge of staying in Houston and somehow not wasting the years and years I’ve sunk into academia… getting my PhD and whatnot. You know, training to be a professor.

I’m contracting right now, because adjunct teaching don’t pay the bills. And as I type this, I’m listening to the people at this company laugh from the kitchen. I keep wanting to wander in there and insert myself into the conversations, whatever they may be. I don’t want to miss out on what sounds like fun. And even after only a year, I’m tired of feeling like I’m endlessly scratching on doors, trying to get someone to give me a chance– tenured faculty members, company leadership, editors, etc. I’m always questioning whether I should be shmoozing (I hate shmoozing), chatting up potential bosses if I bump into them in the elevator (I hate unplanned encounters).

I wonder if my sense of humor is too offbeat. I made a joke earlier today about being a cokehead with my supervisor. He gave me an odd look. I get a lot of odd looks. What works for me as a teacher doesn’t seem to work in a corporate setting- and I know better, but I can’t seem to help myself.

Since I’m not full-time here, I didn’t know about an all-company meeting they were having, and walked into the wrong door this morning, right into the path of the CEO’s presentation to the crew. I froze, unsure whether to back out or move forward. I smiled a close-toothed, wincing smile as I stood there.

I actually applied to be a director at this company. Thing is, I’d actually do a great job. But my resume is basically: “School!”, so I need someone to give me a chance (in this case, a massive leap of faith). After 2016, in the short term all I want is financial security- and some serious home repairs. So I hope they will.

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