I Broke the Reasonable Bone in my Body

(Let’s see how easily I can type with a baby on my lap.)

I have two kinds of reactions to annoyance these days: overreactions, and massive overreactions. It doesn’t take much to push me from “anxious, but basically okay” to “why did I just punch the car radio?”

The other day M asked me which is the closest Home Depot to our house- we were already driving up the street, but it wasn’t as though WE WERE ALL GOING TO DIE IF I DIDN’T FIND THE ANSWER IMMEDIATELY.

Siri didn’t cooperate. Google Maps seemed angered by my failure to call it THE Home Depot. I had nothing and we were almost to the stop sign at the end of the street already. I started yelling at the phone, and not in a reasonable “Oh shucks, technology” sort of way.

Yesterday, I had just showered while C2 was crying- he didn’t want to be put down, fed, etc. And he’d just had a nap. Clean diaper and all that stuff you check. I gave up and decided I would jump in the shower anyway. But my nerves were rattled (I forgot to shave one leg… I accidentally put on a dirty, stinky shirt) I got out of the shower to various time-sensitive demands on my attention – I hadn’t sent a package off at the post office last week, the insurance wanted me to resubmit a claim, a copy of my finalized syllabus was due to the university. And little C2 was not having it. Just then I saw it- a half a Nutri-grain bar smooshed into the couch, leaving crumbs and fake fruit filling everywhere. I did not have a reasonable reaction.

I felt like one of those stock photos of “overwhelmed woman”. I think they use the same images for “woman who needs to go on meds” too.

Sigh. I’m teaching again, in an adjunct sort of way- leaving alone that I said I’d never adjunct (again) because it’s slave labor, supporting a system I don’t want to support. Great for retirees who need to “stay active” though!

But, my stress is so high that it’s been… challenging. I’ve had some of my worst anxiety moments of all time trying to teach this week. They’re big classes, for seminars anyway (40 students), so it just feels like a lot of eyes on me.

Finally, our local Toyota dealership is fired. I dropped my car off for repairs on Monday- they said 24 hours. I can’t get anyone on the phone there who won’t 1) Hang up on me 2) Tell me they’ll call me back, and not do so 3) Burp in me ear (okay, that happened once). I’m about to take my overstressed, unreasonable self over there and behave badly ….

Ha, can you imagine, really? I’m so non-confrontational. The worst I get is “mildly stern” in situations like this. Very… mildly.

Ok… I’ll try to work. Just not in much of a state to do so today.

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