I really do love you. But I have to admit that I’m only writing in you right now because the twins are fussing loudly and I can’t concentrate on anything I really want to do. It’s a pretty long list, and I know how fulfilled and good I’d feel if I could tackle something on it. But they’re fussy, and maybe part of that is because I give up too easily on feeding one twin when the other is crying, and maybe it’s that I’ve been at this all day so I’m not on my A-game anymore.
Ok, enough pity party.
Lately my life has revolved around poop. Like, what can I give babies in order to make it happen? They’ve been a bit crazy, but not in any ways that would surprise anyone who has ever had one. (I made up a song about them the other day called “Babies are like people, but stupider”) Charlie won’t stay on his back, but screams when he rolls on his tummy at night. He was waking up every time the paci fell out of his mouth, so we eliminated the paci. Eliminated the swaddles because… safety. Temporarily removed the lovies because… rolling onto face.
I need a plan- not just the vague intention to improve my system (which lifts my spirits, but is a lie I tell myself). Plan which involves knowing when I have work time, social time, and baby time in a given day. Is that possible with 6 month old twins, with me as full-time caregiver? Am supposed to be moving towards professional life plan, but I gain about an inch a day, on the good days.
Been working on academic book proposal. At least I’m doing it.
Dammit, okay Charlie’s fussing is reaching a crescendo so off I go. I will come back and tell funny stories about most recent trip to the baby vet, and how my stepsons got me playing Pokemon Go despite my attempts to resist. Now I will own them.