Apparently, Takashi seriously thought that all Americans walk around with guns. I told him, fudging a little, that I don’t know anyone with a gun. That’s not true. I know a few people who have one. My uncle has many, used for hunting alone (ugh, but I have a lot more respect for someone who can kill and prepare their own meat than someone who eats meat, but could never handle that. Ahem.)
Said uncle also built his house himself and lived in the mountains of Colorado until last year’s Colorado fires took his house. He used to keep fainting goats, and he likes smoking pot, and Lou Reed.
But I digress.
My parents offered to buy my house in Houston so I can return to it and live there. And make smoothies, and cook, and lie on my couch, and sit in the backyard with my dogs. (And swat away man-sized mosquitoes.) Granted, this solves one problem, but not everything… I still have mere peanuts to live on, pay the utilities with, etc. I’m pretty worried about basic survival, and embarrassed that my parents have to bail me out like this (and this really is the first time this has happened… I was financially independent, even doing well in my 20s).
I tend to write down anything of any importance that I need to communicate with someone. I never felt with J like I had control over my words when I spoke, and I am simply more accustomed to organizing my thoughts by typing them out than telling them to someone. Last night I grumpily told T that I didn’t want to watch anything in Japanese, and he had an Al Pacino-Robert deNiro film on DVR (Japanese subtitles), so we were watching that when he conked out midway through.
I couldn’t sleep, so I composed him one of my epic numbered-list emails- always a treat for someone to wake up to. It basically outlined that I was going back to the US and possibly never, ever coming back to Japan (ok, didn’t really write that and it isn’t true). But my advisor did offer me a really cool opportunity for the next academic year, and I need to be in Houston to take advantage of it.
Still, I have been cheery all day at the idea of going back to my house, and have only cried the one time in the last 24 hours.
Shrink told me that she wanted me to jot down what I do that helps these days. It’s a short list:
-Going to Lush (going to a Lush store always helps, though I wish the staff would leave me alone.. I know more about the products than do 95%)
-Yoga (but I don’t get to do it every day)
-American food (right now I have this super obsession with cheese and crackers) and eating things in general. Mmmm food. Lately I have loved it more than I ever have.
-Academic settings that stimulate me intellectually (that needed to be qualified)