Pick a mood and stay with it

I called my mom for Mother’s Day last night, and talked to her for a long time, while T tried to make me laugh with rude hand gestures in the background. Then he tired of harassing me, and fell asleep on the unmade bed. Had to get him to begrudgingly move in order to put the freakin’ fitted sheet on. I live with a man-child (aka a Japanese guy- sorry Japanese guys, but c’mon).

Struck by a big cloud of the blues about an hour ago. Am supposed to be researching Russo-Japanese relations for my internet broadcast tomorrow night, and I just want to crawl under the bed covers and cry. Things just catch up with me rather suddenly… and I was so genki today and yesterday… now I’m wallowing in anxiety. And I want my mom. It even takes a certain amount of mental health to really write about my fragile mental health, and I’m losing steam quickly.

I am afraid because, while I plan to go back to Houston in August, operation “convince T to move to the U.S”. has become “I guess I’m coming back to Tokyo in late November…” this is out of necessity, because selling my Houston house means I’ll be…. without a house if it sells quickly. I can crash with my sister or parents, but, as I’ll explain some other time, I kind of need to crash with T.

The logistics of storing my possessions and all this other stuff that’s on my mind (vague vague vague) bury me at times, and I just want to give up.

I don’t even have the energy to tell you the cross-cultural masturbation story from last night *sniffle*

Edit.. okay, I cried for a full hour and freaked out T when he came home, but it helped. I needed a serious cry. I have to stay up to talk to my American meds doc on the phone at 10AM CST (midnight here). That’s fine, because I hadn’t felt like making any food and T and I talked for so long that he’s just now getting to make some dinner at 11:15PM.

I think the key is going to be to make a list of everything I need to do in my personal life, as I do in my professional life, and rather than focusing on the biiiiiiig picture, focus on the minutia. Things need to get much, much smaller, not bigger. I’ll tell you about the funny conversation later.


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